We all need a few best friends

We All Need a Few Best Friends
By Mary McChesney
3/31/09



I have been pondering something my mother said to me the other day.

“Your husband should be your best friend,” She quipped through my cell phone.

I thought about this for a long time after we hung up. And now weeks later I am still considering that statement and its accurateness.

The person you choose to "spend the rest of your life with" should certainly be someone you like and someone you consider your friend. At the same time does that person have to be your "best friend?"

If you only relied on your husband for everything it would put a lot of pressure on one person to fulfill so many different needs for you. They are already the person you are in love with and intimate with, the person you raise a family with, and the person you probably invest the most money and trust with. They are your business partner (co-CEO’s of your household), and yes your friend. However it is not fair to make them your only friend – you must have another well to pull from when it comes to your social life and so should they.

Katie Payne, reporter at the Artesian Herald, thinks every woman should have at least 5 best friends. She categorizes them into different needs you have at different times and that makes good sense to me. Her top 5 best friends are “The Uplifter, The Travel Buddy, The Truth Teller, The Girl Who Just Wants to Have Fun, and The Unlikely Friend.”

The explanations for these friends is probably self-explanatory, but just to be clear Payne details the descriptions and expectations of these friends in her Jan. 28, 2008 article titled: “The Five Best Friends a Woman Should Have.”

Now maybe for other women their top 5 fall into different categories than Payne’s but I am sure every woman you know could give you 5 other people who they felt were a “Best Friend” and the different role that person plays in their life!

I think relying on only one person to give you the emotional, mental and physical support a human being needs will only set you up for disappointment.

Others may disagree.

A quick perusal of a few chatting sites such as Yahoo, Answer Bag, My Lot, Redbook, and Buzzle showed me that most people when asked about this topic felt that your husband should indeed be your best friend.

One writer even said that if your husband was not your best friend then your marriage was doomed – ouch – quick call the attorney!

Most of the opinions found claimed to have and cherish this singular and idealistic unity with their significant others. Ironically in almost the same breath everyone of them went on to say that other friends were important and necessary for a well balanced life.

So I concede that of course your husband should be your friend and in some aspects of your relationship he will be closer to you than anyone else. However just because you have a level of intimacy with him in some things does not mean you should then put all your other emotional eggs into his basket.

So mom, lighten up and give my poor over-extended step-dad a break. He already fulfills a lot of things for you in your life. You don’t go to your girlfriends for foot rubs and romantic dinners so why go to your husband for retail therapy and gossip sessions?

If you think about it she has already proven my point anyway by simply making the phone call to me to talk about her issues in the first place!

At the end of the day husbands and can also be your friends, but your best friends are the only people who can help you keep your husband and your sanity.

Be Well.
Until Next Time,
Mary